We are delighted to confirm Ellie’s Gift as one of our two chosen charities for 2025. And we would like to thank Nathan McKechnie, our Service Engineer, who has shared his very personal story of baby loss and what Ellie’s Gift means to him and his wife.

Nathan’s Story

My wife, Becca, and I, were 21 weeks pregnant with our first child. We went for our routine scan, excited to see our baby and hear how they had grown since our previous scan. During the scan, it was discovered that there was very little amniotic fluid surrounding our baby. Subsequently, a doctor who specialises in foetal medicine took an examination of the baby and found no kidneys were present (our baby was diagnosed with bilateral renal agenesis). This meant no urine could be produced, and consequently his lungs had severely underdeveloped. We were told that there was a 0% chance of survival.

We recall waiting in the antenatal clinic, surrounded by pregnant families and being in a state of limbo. I just remember the frank conversation with the doctor, who had explained everything to us. When she left the room, Becca and I just hugged each other, like our whole world was coming down around us. It felt completely surreal. Our baby had no chance of survival, even if going to full-term, and we couldn’t bear the thought of him suffering. However, this was a decision we would never want to have to make, and it was devastating for us.

The support at the hospital was brilliant. We were allowed to spend time with Alfie, our son, for two days and were not rushed. We had a memory box supplied by SIMBA, which allowed us to collect memories such as hand and footprints.

However, we were told by our bereavement midwife that counselling and psychological support on the NHS had an extremely long waiting list and were advised to seek private support.

Ellie’s Gift

When all was said and done in the hospital, and we were discharged home, the first few weeks were a blur of grieving, of daytime telly and pizza. It wasn’t until a few months after, Becca was looking into processes of dealing with loss, when she came across Ellie’s Gift. They were running a weekly online course on mindfulness for those who had been through baby loss.

Becca did the first session by herself, because at the time I had thought I had grieved enough and had gotten over the worst of it. I joined halfway through the second week’s session when I overheard a discussion on ‘what has been the most challenging part to process’. I spoke up and sat down with Becca and said that I thought the hardest thing was to find someone who I could relate to. None of my friends had gone through what we had gone through. I struggled to find any advice that helped me to process everything.

It was only after I started talking that I realised I hadn’t dealt with this at all. I was just suppressing all this until then when I was fully honest with everyone. I could see nodding heads which told me I wasn’t alone, that we were not alone. We had all suffered a loss and there on that Zoom meeting was the start for us to come to terms with it, accept it, live and hold it unabashed and unafraid of speaking out and talking about this. Ellie’s Gift gave me a place where I felt completely unjudged and welcome. They gave me a focus and a process to better myself from this experience.

Since finishing the course, we have tried to keep up a mindfulness mindset in most of our lives. It is a way of looking at the world that really helped me get though the tough days as well as the good. To cherish the good times and acknowledge the bad times, accept them, and then move on with them.

Lucy, who started Ellie’s Gift in loving memory of her baby, has become a good friend to us. And we have been blessed with a beautiful daughter, who was born a year and a half after Alfie was born.

JTM Service’s Chosen Charity For 2025

We choose a charity each year at JTM Service, and this year we have chosen 2 – Ellie’s Gift and Epilepsy Action. Both of these charities have very personal connections to some of our team here at JTM Service, and we are proud to be able to support them both.

During 2025 we will be arranging fundraising events for these 2 fantastic charities. If you would like to donate to Ellie’s Gift, please click on the following link – https://www.justgiving.com/crowdfunding/ellies-gift

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